Before putting my voice into the statement, I would like to share with you that I have worked all my life. I have always believed that both working and stay-at-home Moms are positive role models for children. Unfortunately each kind has its own challenges, but today I want to refer to those of us who decided to combine motherhood with the desire for professional development, including the amount of guilt implies us.
It has happened to you, for sure!
Once you are independent & boundless, participate in all sales meetings, go on tours, sell out strategies, and 9 months later & for the rest of your life you will have to make each decision considering the repercussions or consequences they will have on your Child & family too, depending entirely on you. Mom's guilt starts even before pregnancy! We are told from the beginning on what we should do and not, & that guilt grows worse from the un-welcoming advice of all around us with time. Once we have our baby, we start over thinking of ‘not being perfect’ & that keeps crawling. We might not feed properly, or couldn’t make our ‘mom-made’ baby food, or pay a visit to the ‘best’ pediatrics. As they grow, we find all new reasons to feel guilty. Millions of moms around the world are juggling an overwhelming amount of responsibility. The clashing expectations take a toll, as moms continue to shuffle and sacrifice to balance each day leaving too many of us feeling stressed, worn out, and guilty. We either didn’t spend enough time or we spent too much time and that’s why Child’s every personality flaw, bad behavior or negative outcome… is our entire fault.
But have you heard about ‘Dad guilt’ anytime?
The decision to resume work, or not is an internal war and I believe that kills. It is certainly an issue that generates a lot of tension in Mothers. Working Moms feel guilty for not being with their child always & the others who despite being happy with their decision to be at home, admit that sometimes they feel isolated and resentful. I deeply respect all of them because today I know what it is to be a mother and to be criticized for making either of the two decisions.
If you are a working Mom, and unfortunately you had to miss your Child’s event or PT meet, there is always someone who will tell you, “I see, your work. Whatever you do, or decision you make, there will always be someone who judges you. How do they know that you are not paying attention to them? The worst thing is that many times the most hurtful comments come from other women or from the family itself, who incredibly do not seem to realize the situation & here; we should be more empathetic to each other. Well, as there will always be someone who finds fault in you, I suggest, what makes you happy, Just Do. Once I asked myself that question, I internalized and analyzed, “What is the best thing for my daughter”! Ultimately, the decision you make will be fine & best for your Child & family depending on different contexts or situations given. Try to be honest with yourself and pay attention to suggestions from your supporting family & partner, but in the end do as your heart desires keeping everything in place, without any remorse or guilt & I am sure we all Mothers have infinite capacity to do our best.
What I want is that my child realizes that I am a Mother who has always worked, who has come through absolutely everything that she never gives up. That’s what I want: that they become life-fighters. In life there are many setbacks, but the important thing is the attitude and the desire to come through.
Illustrated by
Tumpa Datta Gupta
Educator - Founder - Blogger
Green wings Pre - School Educational Network